Thursday 19 January
40 days sober!
RR 100% (but emotionally disturbed)

God,
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
The courage to change the things I can.
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Amen.
…….
Remember for today:
Giving the world 5 free passes in advance to be wrong.
Turn it over to God!

…….
Horrible day at work yesterday. Did people do things wrong to me? Yes, but I also could have handled things better myself in which would have led to me feeling better and less stressed. With my addiction, the enemy is within. What I really want to emphasise to myself each day, what I want to keep I the forefront of my mind, is that I have handed my will, my decision making and all my intellectual thinking over to God. So in EVERY situation where thinking/choices are involved I just need to calm myself. If I am talking to someone and I need to stop and stay silent for 10 seconds before answering then just do it. I can umm and err if necessary. But I just need to calm myself and consult God. By this I mean sort of seeing what my “gut feeling” says to do. Before I started a 12 step program and going to meetings I knew this as my “poker decision”, a sort of rational broadcasting beacon to tune into that you know will guide you down the best path.

Also, 40 days sober wooooo!

Wednesday 18 January
39 days sober
RR 100%

God,
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
The courage to change the things I can.
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Amen.
……
God, make me an instrument of thy peace!
That where there is hatred, I may bring love.
That where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness.
That where there is discord, I may bring harmony.
That where there is error, I may bring truth.
That where there is doubt, I may bring faith.
That where there is despair, I may bring hope.
That where there are shadows, I may bring light.
That where there is sadness, I may bring joy.

God, grant that I may seek to comfort, rather than to be comforted.
Seek to understand, rather than to be understood.
Seek to love, rather than to be loved.
For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.
It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.
It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life.
…………………

God, give me the power to quieten and calm my mind so that I can hear your will. Please direct my decision making at all times, because my previous game plan for living that I came up with myself has produced disastrous results in terms of my happiness and peace of mind. I want you to do my thinking for me, I do not want to analyse decisions in life any more using my own intellect and thinking.

I offer my work and effort to carry out your directions but please allow my mind to hear your broadcasting beacon which I know is in my soul, which I will always be able to hear if I can only quieten the static and noise of my own ruminations.
………..
Remember for today:
Giving the world 5 free passes in advance to be wrong.
Feelings inventory as I go
………..
Had a good day yesterday, handled some situations at work very well from a spiritual point of view. Got to a meeting in the evening. So yeah, definitely feel like my resolve to stay sober is back to 100%. Had some good thoughts come to me (God’s will I think) about sending less emails at work and speaking to people in person more instead. Also about eating healthier, so eating less meat and cheese and more vegetable stuff (not rabbit food though, I’ve seen some good recipies/ideas for tasty and hearty food with no meat or cheese in it).

Tuesday 17 January
38 days sober
RR 90%

God,
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
The courage to change the things I can.
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Amen.
……..
Remember for today:
Giving the world 5 free passes in advance to be wrong.
Feelings inventory as I go
………
Was doing stepwork with my sponsor last night so didn’t get to bed as early as I would have liked but as outlined yesterday, skipping important recovery stuff to go to bed early leads to acting out. So yeah, probably still a little tired but just need to hang in there and catch up on some sleep when I can. RR was lowest it’s been in a while yesterday so need to step up my recovery work, meetings and outreach calls galore etc.

Monday 16 January
37 days sober
RR 100%

God,
Grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdome to know the difference.
Amen
…………
Remember for today:
Giving the world 5 free passes in advance to be wrong.
Feelings inventory as I go
…………
Feeling a bit tired this morning (went to bed to late last night) so that’s something I need to keep a check on. Sometimes going to a meeting in the evening makes me go to bed later – that’s fine because the last time I skipped a meeting to go to bed early etc. it seemed to work on the night but later in the week I had a relapse. However, last night I wasn’t at a meeting so getting to bed on time should have been a priority.

Sunday 15 January
36 days sober
RR 95%

God,
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Amen.
……
Well as you can see my RR has been dipping below 100% recently (resolve to stay sober) and this is a concern. I wasn’t planning on going to a 12 step meeting today because I feel I have other chores/tasks to do but because my RR is not at 100% and I am not at work today I am going to do what I need to do to get to a 12 step meeting.